I spoke with a very good friend of mine this morning who was sharing about the loss of her father and the fact that her husband (a JCM Board Member) was back east sitting at his dads bedside, awaiting his final breath. AS we spoke it brought back memories of my own dads passing back in 1995. Below is a reprint from "Things They Didn’t Teach Me In Worship Leading School". It’s a little longer than a normal post, but I hope you’ll find it relevant in some way today.
I Am Your Father
It was May of 1995 and I found myself on a plane headed from my home, north of San Francisco, to the northeast, to visit my parents. This would be different than my other visits because this time my father lay in a hospital bed, with his life slowly slipping away. I had not seen him in about five years and didn’t know what to expect when I arrived.
My older brother met me at the airport and we immediately left for the hospital. After the initial greetings and hugs from my mom, my focus turned to my dad. I had been prepared by others in the family as to my dad’s condition, but there’s nothing like being there to make reality set in. I remember that my dad was always pretty strong, especially for being 5’2” tall, and very sharp mentally. Nothing much ever riled him, but when it did, lookout! This was not the same man I remembered, as I watched him, lying there peacefully, yet unresponsive to my greeting. Over the next week, I spent most of my time at the hospital, being with dad and supporting my mom. We almost lost him on two occasions that week, but when it was time for me to finally return to my family on the west coast, he was still with us.
I returned home with a heavy burden. Although we hadn’t seen each other for years, it was as if I was about to loose the most precious person in my life. I remembered all the little things my father did for me, as I grew up. The time, during a rain delay at Shea Stadium, when he found a way to get me into the bullpen to meet my favorite ballplayer. The times that he showed up, when my high school rock band would play at area dances, knowing, full well, that we would not be doing his favorite Frank Sinatra numbers. Memories of all the ground balls hit to me, fishing trips off the end of our dock, and his patience as he looked for the wrench that I dropped in the lake, while we were working on the boat. It all came rushing back to me, as if it were yesterday.
Two months went by and I was in contact with my mother almost daily, until our family vacation in July. I purposed to leave my burden home, as we traveled to visit my wife’s family in Southern California. As I always seem to do, while on vacation, I carved out some time to visit a fellow worship leader at his church in Los Angeles. I sat in on his worship rehearsal and enjoyed the time we had together that evening. We said our good-byes and I left the church to return to Orange County. On my way home, my thoughts were focused on the events of that evening and my task as a worship leader. Then from nowhere I heard a voice, as though the person was in the car with me. The voice simply said; “I am your Father.” The presence of God filled my Dodge Caravan like I had never felt it before. I recognized the voice of my heavenly Father speaking into my spirit as it came a second time; “I am your Father.”
In tears, I focused on the Lord, wanting to hear more, but I didn’t. I just knew, that for whatever reason, my God wanted me to feel HIS love for me in a powerful way. As I drove on, I noticed that the heaviness that I had lived with for months was gone. I had a father. And no matter how much I would miss my earthly father, when he left us behind on earth, I had a heavenly Father who loved me with more love than I ever could have experienced in my life. Although I had been in pastoral ministry for years, I had no idea of the depth of my Heavenly Father’s love for me… that was… until the following day.
At about 2:30 in the afternoon, I was alone at my sister-in-law’s house when the phone rang. I answered it and found my mother on the other end speaking the words I had feared would come for the last three months. “John, your father just passed away.” I cannot tell you what we discussed after that, nor how long I was on the phone. What I can tell you is, that I was once again consumed with the love of my heavenly Father, who cared enough for His earthly son, that he prepared me in advance for my father’s passing. The only thought that was running through my mind, while my mother spoke, was the fact of how great a God we serve and how much He desires to be our Father. A real Father.
On that day, my relationship with Him drastically changed. I see a God who is truly a Father to me. A man I can look up to and admire. A father whom, although I still blow it at times, I can obey with 100% confidence that He has my best interests in mind. I never really doubted the love of that Father. I knew the scriptures and the reassurance of His love through His word. But, until that day, I had never experienced the genuine love that He had for me. That same love can be experienced by all of His children. The next time you read the BOOK, picture yourself as a child, sitting on your Fathers lap, reading you a bedtime story. A story from His heart. A story that cost Him his own Son. A price that He paid so He could be a Parent to us. Listen to His heart, hear His words, and be confident that the love of your Father will never cease, regardless of the circumstances of your life.
Did that effect the way I worship? What do you think?